feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
