Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
