he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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