I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Everything about him screamed your future.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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