I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
