chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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