so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
