And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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