1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
