I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
