You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize