tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize