is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
