We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
