; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
