nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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