I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
