After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
