I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
