I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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