Where are you?
In a non slutty way
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
