My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
