i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
