So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
