these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
