I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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