If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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