it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
