Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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