I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's always time for handjobs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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