Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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