tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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