i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
