All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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