who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize