whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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