Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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