i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
