Whod you bang
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
