i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize