So gin and wine won't be happening again
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
