nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
