I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
this is an emotional support booty call
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
