I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
