Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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