I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
