Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
