I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
