Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
