Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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