saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
only you would photoshop your dick
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
