grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
