well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
