YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
