Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
