why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I party with great urgency now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
