her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
