you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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