why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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