If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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