Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
