I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
