from now on my penis is your penis
I can text with my tongue
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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