i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
